Closure...with a side of frustration...

Well I finally got my crap together and finished writing the letter to my Grandma that I read at her Memorial.  I sobbed through the reading and basically the entire service.  I'm still not okay with her being gone, but somehow reading the letter to her gave me closure and a little bit of peace about her being gone.  I'm able to think about her, and talk about her without wanting to sob my eyes out.  I'll never truly be okay with her not being here, but it's somehow a little easier somehow.

As for everything else I'm dealing with...that isn't getting any easier to deal with.  Honestly, it's pretty discouraging.  I feel alone in everything.  I know I'm not alone, God is always with me and all that, but it's so hard to feel like I have support and be encouraged when I don't have someone physically there for me...to help me; to hold me; to talk to me.  It's just hard.  Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world.  So if any of you are reading this...Thank you; GOOD JOB; and GOD BLESS YOU! Because I feel every bit of your pain!

I am just frustrated lately.  I'm worried about things that a parent should NEVER have to worry about...and I know life isn't fair...but this REALLY isn't fair! 

However, life goes on, and I have confidence that God will bring me peace, and comfort, and HELP, and love in the end.  I just have to be open to seeing that.

avoidance & honesty

so...incase you havent noticed...I've been lacking in updating the blog here at The Broken Fat Chick.  I'd like to apologize for that.  It's been a while...and a lot has certainly happened.

I am off school for the summer, I go back September 27th or something like that.  I did pretty well this year...Have an overall GPA of 3.5  All things considered that's pretty darn good for me.

I'll admit that I've probably been avoiding updating, simply because I don't know how to make sense of some of the things going on in my head.

I've found I've been avoiding a lot of things...

dealing with the death of my grandma
dealing with the stress of the divorce
dealing with the stress of the custody issue (and everything that goes along with it)

I guess really I've just been avoiding the things that are out of my control.

I've been trying to control my anxiety more...as all it does is cause me stomach problems. :(  I guess my job this summer is going to be to deal with and work through all the things that i've been avoiding...yuck.

Have you been avoiding anything??