Woops!!!

Well....it's been almost exactly 9 months since I last posted anything.  Sorry?

It's not that I haven't had things to write, I'm pretty sure I'll always have things to write, it's just that for so long I feel like I've been too engrossed in the middle of "this" ...this life, this process, this season of life..."this".   I felt like I was just stuck in the middle with no way out.  There was even a time that I wasn't sure if I would get out, or if that was the new normal for me.  To be in a constant state of chaos. 

Well, I have done a lot over the last nine months.  A lot of healing.  A lot of hurting.  A lot of growing.  A lot of life...unfortunately no the fun side of life, just the boring stuff, like getting a job, staying at home reading, etc.  I wasn't out mountain climbing, or travelling the world, or anything cool like that.  ALTHOUGH...in the last nine months, I blinked and now have a 3 year old!! YIKES.  Bub's birthday was last weekend, and I just can't believe that he's three.  I have a friend who just had a baby three days ago, and everytime I know someone that has a baby I can't help but be thrown back to the precious time that I spent in the hospital with my kiddo. 

I kept telling people at his birthday party that I have no idea where three years went!! ...Truth is that I know exactly where it went.  I just was preventing myself from realizing it.  It went into being a single mom of a six month old, and a bitter, ugly, nasty divorce.  It went into losing myself; and then finding  myself when I made that step to repair my relationship with God.  It went into losing the two most important people that have ever been in my life, my grandparents.  It went into finding a way to cope with losing every single piece of the future I had planned for my life.  And then finding a new future walking with God.  The last three years went into raising my son to be the most loving, happy, amazing, beautiful, funny, active, imaginative three year old that I've ever known.  It went into him.  It went into Him.  It went into me. 

I don't expect everyone to understand.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me.  I don't expect everyone to even care.  And the best part about all that?  Is that three years ago...I would have cared! I would have tried to make everyone understand, and agree with me, and care.  Now??? I don't care.  I don't care if you don't agree with me.  I don't care if you don't understand.  I don't care if you don't care.  I can respectfully disagree with you.  I can respectfully explain my thoughts and believes, but if you don't get it...it's not going to keep me awake at night anymore.

This post turned out way different than what I expected...although I'm not really sure WHAT I expected. lol. 

I may sound like a crazy person...but I feel like I've just got so much inside me that I've got to get out.  I know that I've got so much inside me that needs to be told, and needs to be shared.  God's definately given me the job of sharing my story in some way...just not sure yet what avenue that may take.  I figured a book, but who stinkin' knows?  ;-) 

We'll see as we go!