Broken...

I'm not referring to being broke, as in without money, (even though I am this too), I'm referring to broken. 
reduced to fragments; fragmented

ruptured; torn; fractured.

not functioning properly; out of working order.

weakened in strength, spirit, etc.

Mainly I'm talking aout not functioning properly...my body doesn't do that.  I have PCOS and while it's not technically an auto-immune disorder...it sure as hell acts like one. 

Just to give you an idea, here are some of the symptoms (which are also side effects of PCOS)

acne; oily skin; dandruff; weght gain, mostly around the middle of the stomach giving the "spare tire" appearance, or trouble losig weight; excess hair, call hirsutism, usually very dark and course, on face, body, chest, bell, thumbs, toes, and back; thinning hair on scalp, also known as male pattern baldness; skin tags, which are excess flaps of skin usually in the armpit or groin; depression; anxiety; mood swings; irregular periods; heaving bleeding; patches of dark skin on back of neck, under arms and in the groin; fatigue; hgh blood pressure; high cholesterol; pelvic pain; sleep apnea or problems breathing while sleeping; difficulty falling asleep; diabetes; insulin resistance; and infertility.

Now thankfully I don't have ALL these symptoms, but I do have quite a few.  And they make life a living hell some days.  They make me not fun to be around some days.  They make me feel like I'm crazy on some days.  They make me feel ugly.  They make me feel useless.  They make me feel worthless.

When you're body is attacking itself and making itself sick it's hard to feel anything but broken and worthless. 

It's even harder to feel good about yourself when you are going through a divorce and realize that now you have to try to find someone else that's going to love you for the broken person that you are, regardless of how badly you'd like to be the full, vibrant, properly working version of yourself.

I have a hard time believing that I'm going to get a second chance at love.  Let's face it, guys want gorgeous movie stars, not broken fat chicks.

Which as you can see...I'm also broken in strength and spirit right now too.  Divorce sucks.