I feel like I never shut up about how much I miss my grandparents. I say it to myself almost daily. It's not even a cry for attention or anything remotely close to that. For me, I think part of it is that I just don't "get it" yet. I do really well at not missing them, until something comes up and I want to see or talk to them. I see a picture and realize that I haven't seen them in a long time, I should stop by their house...except I'm not even allowed on their old property. Which in and of itself is devastating for me. To know that I can't just make a phone call to hear my grandpa's voice. Or when I want a recipe from my grandma.
Mostly it hurts when I'm having a problem that I know that one of my grandparents would have the answer to.
Like right now.
I am not peaceful about something. I am 100% certain that one of the only people that would have been able to shed light on it, is my grandma.
I hate the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I realize that I have to figure out things on my own now. Figure things out without her. I feel like a tree that has been transplanted. Only the people that transplanted me forgot half of my root system in the old spot. When you lose someone you loved that deeply, it truly is like losing a part of your heart. Not to mention when you lose two people that you loved that deeply. There is a part of me that feels physical pain when I realize what my grandparents won't be here for. I know that they're in Heaven, and all that comes with that. But it doesn't make it hurt any less while it's happening.
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