What if all of my faults...aren't really faults. What if they're strengths, but I've never been told?
What if I'm NOT the problem????
It's so hard to go through your life feeling like you're not built to walk the journey alone, yet 28 years later (approaching 29) you are infact still alone. To still be waiting on that person to complete you, but he's not there yet. To be told that you just have to wait, but the previous 28 years you've been told nothing but your faults, and had them thrown in your face, and shoved down your throat as to reasons why no one likes you or wants to be with or around you.
You're too fat.
You're too loud.
Too insecure.
Too intimidating.
Too quiet.
Too involved.
Not involved enough.
If you would just mind your own business.
If you would just speak your mind more.
If you cared more what people thought about you.
If you cared less about other people's opinions.
If you trusted more.
If you were less nieve.
If you did more for the environment.
If you put yourself out there more.
If you were just patient.
I can't describe how tired I am of being told that it's my fault...and then when I accept that it's my fault and am willing to accept my faults and acknowledge and sometimes even change them, I'm told not to. Or that I'm too depressive, or too down on myself, or too whatever.
Maybe the faults that other people see aren't really faults. Maybe they really are strengths that people that I don't even know yet, will one day appreciate. Just maybe I'm not as screwed up as I think. Just maybe if I AM more patient it will be worth it.
Just maybe it won't be though.
I'm so tired of walking down a lonely road when I feel, and desperately want, possibly even NEED, someone to walk it with me.
I'm so tired of being strong for everyone else. I just want someone to be willing to be strong for me, and mean it, and mean it forever.
I didn't think that was too much to ask...
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