yeah, yeah

yeah I know that I blew that whole keeping a daily thankfulness journal thing.  Oops.  Oh well...I'm still thankful for a LOT.  I just haven't had a chance (good or bad) to sit down and reflect. 

So tonight is no different.  haha

Tonight is different.

I was listening to a Sugarland song early, Take Me As I Am, and there is a line in that song that says "we all live with the scars we choose, they might hurt like hell, but they all make us stronger".  I've always been struck by that line.  And I truly believed it for a while.  Then through various events, I thought it was wrong.  I know that there are outside forces that scar us without our permission.  There are people, things, words, that all leave marks on us and hurt us for the rest of our lives without asking if we choose them.

I was struck again tonight by that line.  And the thought of, 'maybe it IS our choice'.   Even if we aren't choosing WHAT scars us, we are choosing to LET that be a scar.  We get to decide how deeply we continue to let things affect our lives.  We get to decide how we react to things in our lives.  When everyhing is absolutely out of control and out of our hands, THAT is what is still in our control. 

We get to decide if the scrape on our knees leaves a giant, raised, hideous mark, or if it's barely noticable.  We get to decide if our recovery is miserable, horrible, or if we can tolerate it.  We get to decide how long it takes to come out on the other side of our earth shattering circumstances.  We won't see it until we're ready and able, but we DO get to decide. 

I have been through HELL in the past three years...I have litterally laid on the kitchen floor crying because my earth was shattering around me.  I have pulled over to the side of the road, or into the Walmart parking lot because I could see or breathe from crying.  I have understood why people do unthinkable things.  I have fought until my heart was bruised, and then fought some more.  I have picked myself up, only to fall back down again. 

But I got to CHOOSE whether or not I got back up again.  I got to choose to lay on that kitchen floor.  I CHOSE to get up.  I CHOSE to fight.  I CHOOSE everyday to be joyful and not let myself go back down that rabbit hole.  I GET TO CHOOSE.  I WILL choose. 

I choose to make my scars less visible.  I choose to stop giving things power in my life.  I choose to be positive.  I choose to LIVE as an active participant in my life, not a spectator on the sidelines. 

What will you choose?